Blissful Ignorance

Do you ever feel disconnected from your body? You’re probably thinking ‘What the hell is she talking about?’ and would I please elaborate.

Well, my thoughts behind this are that ever since I was diagnosed and went through my surgeries and radiotherapy, my body has endured so many changes. Because of this I no longer feel that me and my body have a good relationship. It’s as if I’ve separated myself from it and not given much thought to it’s appearance or how it is serving me.

I think for a long time the physical symptoms that I experience take a real toll on my body and it can’t always support me in the way that I would like. Some might feel angry or frustrated at this and that’s totally understandable. There has been many times where I have watched a video of someone lifting weights thinking ‘Why am I so weak? Why can’t my body be that strong?’ However, most of the time I feel sorry for my body because I have neglected it and not given the support it needs to in turn help me.

For example, I recently had a DEXA (bone density) scan because I am experiencing a lot of pain in my joints and bones. They came back to say that I have a lower than expected bone density in my spine. I have now been given Vitamin D and Calcium supplements to try and maintain my bone health and they advised that I look at my diet and lifestyle. Especially as I am on steroids for the rest of my life and they can lead to bone loss, osteoporosis and broken bones.

The frustrating thing is that for a long time I have been suffering with aches and pains all over my body and I would occasionally take Vitamin D supplements (only when I remembered, which admittedly was hardly ever) and I’d try to go on more walks to keep supple. But deep down I knew that wasn’t enough and that I needed to take it more seriously. Despite noticing a massive deterioration, I continued doing the bare minimum and giving my attention to other areas of my life. The excuses have always come too easy and partly because I was genuinely telling myself “I’ll be just fine”. Oh what a fool I am.

I hold my hands up that I should have taken action a lot sooner and it shouldn’t have taken the DEXA scan to make me realise the seriousness of my situation. In all honesty my mind can only deal with so much at once but I should have prioritised my health over other things. Something I am sure we have all said a million and one times.

I think because I have always tried not to let my health get in the way of what I want to do and achieve; I’ve more often than not been blissfully ignorant. I will not beat myself up for this because I went through a lot at a young age, I had to grow up very quick and in a way, I did loose time. So, I guess it’s only natural for me wanting to get back to living life as soon as possible. The thing is though I have tried to outsmart my body by ignoring it and its cottoned on. Ah shit, not so clever after all.

I have become so much more aware recently when my body is unhappy and is crying out for help. I can no longer turn a blind eye and pretend that everything will be hunky-dory. I know that doing this will be detrimental to my health and will in no way serve me. I need to be the strongest person I can be in my mind, body and soul to tackle all the challenges I face with a life-long chronic condition.

In hope that saying this here will mean that I have all of you to hold me accountable, I’ve decided that my body deserves way more love than I am giving it. So, from now on I promise to check-in every day and ask myself what my body needs so that it’s fully armoured and ready to fight. Let’s do this!

🧠