COVID anxiety
What’s the point in spending every waking moment (and every sleeping moment for that matter) of every day worrying about something that might not happen? This is a question I keep asking myself and I know the answer but it’s not sinking in.
Right now, I am not living. I’m constantly fearing the worst and it’s like I’ve already decided my fate. The anxiety that COVID has caused me is crippling. From the moment I wake up, to the moment I go to bed, I worry that I have symptoms relating to the virus. I’m constantly looking for signs, checking my temperature and telling myself it’s only a matter of time.
Whilst I type this, I realise how ridiculous this is and what an awful way it is to live. I have experienced a lot of challenges with my health where I have a legit reason to be worried but yet I’ve powered through and remained pretty positive. But this fear of getting the virus has paralysed me to the point where I am simply existing and no longer enjoying my life that I’ve fought so bloody hard to build.
I never thought I would end up in the position I am in today, suffering from depression and struggling to find a way out. It’s scary not being able to escape from my thoughts and I just feel like I want to shut down to give myself a break. I’m exhausted from automatically thinking of the worst-case scenario and the constant stream of negativity I feed myself.
I’d like to say that I’ve always been a positive person and known for my resilience when faced with challenges but what I’m experiencing right now has thrown me completely. I don’t feel like myself anymore. I feel disconnected from everyone and everything. I am lost.
“Please help find Rachael. A warm-hearted and resilient 28 year old. A creative soul, full of ideas and a big achiever. Lover of chocolate, stationery and city breaks. You might spot her in a café, drinking hot chocolate, writing in her journal or doodling florals. I know she is desperate to be found, so please keep looking.”
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