Making my own rules
It’s tough to admit to yourself that despite your endless searching there might not be an answer to your symptoms and it’s probably something you will have to deal with every day. After many years of research, tests, trial and error, I just seem to go in one big circle and end up back at the start. My good days have me feeling on top of the world because believe me you have to make the most of them. They give me hope and I’m optimistic but then suddenly I’ll feel unwell, leaving me asking the question ‘Will I ever find balance?’ I’m realistic, so I know there’s no way in hell that I’m going to feel like I did when I was 20 but I’m determined to strike a balance that makes things more bearable.
I had a thought that was a little ‘doom & gloom’ for me but I’ll share it with you because I believe in no bulls**t approach. I thought to myself ‘Will I really have to live like this for the rest of my life?’ Now I don’t have a victim complex and I know how lucky I am and that things could be much worse. However, I won’t belittle my illness and the struggles that it entails. My thought had me contemplating what the future might look like for me and how the things I dream of doing might be affected.
It didn’t take long before I attempted to switch my mindset by focusing on how I could create a life that I love and that would allow for my illness. I don’t want it to rule my life but it can’t be ignored because it’s present every day. It’s there from the moment I wake up and take my first tablet, to when I inject myself before bed.
Now that I have accepted my health is at the centre of everything I am and do, it makes it so much easier to think about future goals and dreams. I’m working on no longer seeing it as something I need to get over and instead something I have to live with. I don’t want to view my illness as a challenger that I am in constant battle with. I want it to help shape my future in a positive way, taking what I can from my experiences and using that to help others and in turn help myself.
I think overall it’s important to remember that there is no right or wrong way about how we live our lives. It’s about tuning into what feels good for us and what our minds and bodies allow us to do. One day I might feel like I could travel the world, sip cocktails on a Hawaiian beach and ski through the alps. The next day I might barely be able to string together a sentence, get myself in the shower or find a matching pair of socks (other spaniel owners can relate). Either way, I’m trying to adapt to this ‘Take each day as it comes’ lifestyle and give myself permission to live life a little differently. After all, our futures aren’t set in stone and I think we’ve all been through enough to take control and make our own rules. Who’s with me?
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