The Waiting Room

Every time, without a doubt, the medical trauma comes back to haunt me when I attend appointments at the doctors or hospital. It seems to be something I can’t control, no matter how positive I try to be. In the build up to the appointment, my stomach will feel unsettled and I’ll get that draining rush run through my body. Once I get into the waiting room, I’m suddenly very aware of my heart beat, palpitations might creep in and I’ll get the sudden rush for the loo.

For a while I just thought it was bad luck that I felt unwell before my appointments but then I realised it was a pattern. PTSD. Maybe it’s the bright lights, the smell, the noises or just all those memories flooding back of countless hours spent in waiting rooms. I try my best to combat it, like the other morning on my way to the doctors I had the music up loud, singing along and shouting to myself ‘you’ve got this’. However, as soon as I sat in the waiting room, my anxiety increased and I had butterfly’s in my stomach.

I think when something is so deep rooted, it’s impossible for my mind not to subconsciously drag up all of those negative memories. Despite having countless hours of psychological therapies, I still haven’t been able to heal from the trauma that I’ve experienced and maybe I never will. I really hope though, that I’ll find a better way to cope so that I’m not constantly in fight mode and can find some peace.

If you’re reading this and can relate, I’d love to hear what coping mechanisms have helped you to get through the gloomy appointments!