Does this look pink to you?
A question that I without a doubt ask every time I eat chicken. It’s safe to say that over the past couple of years I seem to have developed food anxiety, which now feels out of control. I think it all started when I decided to try and cut out foods to help with my stomach problems. But then it turned into me questioning every meal I ate. Is that cooked? Will that affect my stomach? Should I be eating this?
Food is no longer something I enjoy and I find it very stressful when trying to decide what to eat. I try to eat a lot of ‘safe’ meals that I know I have cooked time and time again but even then I can still question the ingredients. I’ve got into the habit of religiously checking expiry dates and throwing out food that is probably perfectly fine to eat still.
One of the biggest impacts of the food anxiety is that I can’t have a meal out without fighting with my thoughts the entire time. Firstly, I don’t trust anyone else cooking my food and then with every mouthful I am questioning whether it’s going to make me ill. For example, today I went to lunch with my Mum and had a chicken, bacon and avocado ciabatta. As soon as it arrived in front of me and I took my first bite, I started to worry about the chicken. I even asked my Mum if it was ok that they had re-heated the chicken in the ciabatta. For the rest of the day I have haven’t stopped thinking about that chicken and tonight for dinner, I wouldn’t eat the chicken in our stir fry because I just couldn’t bring myself to. An experience that I should enjoy, like going out for a meal, turns into a real battle where I am constantly fighting the negative thoughts in my head. It’s blooming exhausting.
The problem is, I have cut so much out of my diet now and the things I once really enjoyed I won’t touch. There is so much good food out there and I feel like I massively limit myself. I can’t tell you how much I want to eat a Chicken Korma with all the sides. Not exactly an exotic meal but it’s the ‘normal’ meals that I never used to think twice about eating that I miss.
Also, I find that when I do enjoy a certain food group I will then limit myself to only eating so much of it. Silly things like a pack of mini eggs, I’ll allow myself no more than 3 then put the bag back in the fridge. My current bag of mini eggs I’ve had for about a week. I kid you not. I mean what the hell is wrong with me?! Eat the blooming eggs!
I’ve never experienced anxiety with food before and really feel like I need to share this to see if there is anyone out there who’s had a similar experience. If so, I would love to hear from you because I honestly don’t know where to start in terms of getting better. Maybe I should start by eating a whole bag of mini eggs in one sitting? Ludacris.
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